7 Resources and Strategies for Supporting Clients Facing Domestic Violence
Counselor Brief
7 Resources and Strategies for Supporting Clients Facing Domestic Violence
Navigating the complexities of domestic violence requires not just compassion, but also a deep understanding of effective support strategies. This article delves into resourceful approaches and practical solutions for those aiding clients in such critical situations, drawing on the knowledge of seasoned experts. Discover the key elements of prioritizing safety, emotional healing, and empowerment through expert-backed insights and real-world applications.
- Prioritize Safety and Emotional Healing
- Provide Trauma-Informed and Client-Centered Care
- Educate on Abuse and Support Boundaries
- Focus on Safety and Nervous System Regulation
- Build Trust and Tailor Support
- Approach with Empathy and Provide Resources
- Highlight Resistance to Restore Dignity
Prioritize Safety and Emotional Healing
My primary consideration when working with survivors of domestic violence or intimate partner abuse is always safety. Before anything else, I assess physical safety and, if needed, collaborate with the client on a safety plan. Emotional safety is just as crucial—many survivors have experienced multiple abusive relationships or are susceptible to further abuse, so even if they are physically safe now, ongoing safety planning remains essential.
My approach is rooted in the understanding that the last scars to fade are often the emotional ones. When intimacy and abuse are intertwined, the impact on a person's sense of self, security, and trust in their own instincts can be profound. Survivors may struggle with self-blame, question their judgment, or find it difficult to recognize red flags in future relationships. Once baseline safety is established, we shift to the deeper work: making meaning of the experience, piecing together a cohesive sense of self, and reorienting toward a future defined by a healthy relationship to self and others. This is a process that requires gentleness, tact, and patience.
A significant part of this work is education. Understanding the dynamics of abuse—such as the cycle of violence and the power and control wheel—can be incredibly validating. Dan Siegel said, "Name it to tame it." Education gives clients a language and a lens through which to understand their experience. This delicate balance between psychoeducation and psychotherapy is a slow, intentional process. Survivors don't just need to heal; they need to reclaim their sense of self, rebuild trust in their instincts, and gain the tools to move forward in a way that feels empowered and secure.
Provide Trauma-Informed and Client-Centered Care
When working with clients who have experienced domestic violence (DV) or intimate partner abuse (IPA), it is crucial to provide a trauma-informed, client-centered, and safety-focused approach. Here are key considerations and resources that can help:
1. Establish Safety & Crisis Intervention
- Safety planning: Work with the client to develop a personalized safety plan, including safe housing options and emergency contacts.
- Assess immediate risk: Use lethality assessments to determine the level of danger, especially if the client is still in an abusive relationship.
- Confidentiality & security: Ensure that communication methods are safe and avoid any records that the abuser might access.
2. Trauma-Informed Care & Sensitivity
- Empower, don't pressure: Recognize that leaving an abusive relationship is complex and the client may not be ready to leave immediately.
- Validate experiences: Many survivors experience self-blame. Reaffirm that abuse is never their fault.
- Avoid retraumatization: Be mindful of triggers when discussing their experiences. Provide choices to give the client control over the therapeutic process.
3. Mental Health Considerations
- Address trauma responses: Common reactions include PTSD, anxiety, depression, and dissociation. Use trauma-focused CBT or EMDR when appropriate.
- Work on self-esteem & empowerment: Abuse often erodes a person's self-worth. Encourage strengths-based techniques and self-compassion practices.
- Normalize emotional ambivalence: Survivors may feel love, fear, guilt, and anger toward their abuser simultaneously. Therapy should help them process these mixed emotions without judgment.
4. Resources & Referrals
- Legal support: Connect the client with legal aid for restraining orders, custody battles, or immigration concerns.
- Shelters & housing: Provide information on local domestic violence shelters and transitional housing programs.
- Support groups: Encourage peer support groups where survivors can share experiences in a safe space.
5. Long-Term Healing & Empowerment
- Cognitive restructuring: Address internalized negative beliefs about relationships, self-worth, and autonomy.
- Healthy relationship education: Help the client recognize red flags and establish boundaries for future relationships.
- Somatic & mindfulness practices: Since trauma is stored in the body, techniques like grounding, breathwork, or yoga can aid recovery.
Educate on Abuse and Support Boundaries
Working with survivors of intimate partner violence (IPV) is unique and complex. It's difficult to identify an abusive relationship if people aren't aware of the different forms of abuse. These behaviors are often subtle and can escalate over time.
In my clinical work, what's unique about working with IPV survivors is the type of psychoeducation provided, the difficulty of sustaining opposing feelings, and helping them recognize unhealthy patterns in their past connections. Many clients that I've worked with only recognized physical or sexual assault as legitimate forms of abuse. However, maltreatment comes in multiple forms including emotional, financial, isolation, coercion, among other types. For that reason, I review the wheel of power and control as psychoeducation. Another aspect that complicates the therapeutic process is holding both loving and difficult emotions toward the perpetrator. For many clients, having conflicting feelings is confusing. Others internalize this and find faults within themselves. Feelings of guilt, shame, or grief are not uncommon. For clients no longer in abusive relationships, I have them identify unhealthy behaviors, explore their values, and establish boundaries. For clients within abusive connections, safety planning and connecting them to community resources is crucial.
As a therapist, I would steer away from having any expectations from the clients. Working with survivors of IPV can be complicated, because sometimes they may return to the perpetrator, which can be difficult for a clinician to comprehend. For that reason, my advice is to meet a client where they are. We can create a healing space and provide information, but ultimately the choice to leave or stay belongs to the client. Regarding resources, I'd recommend connecting them with wrap-around services where housing, employment, financial assistance, case managers, and community programs are available. Leaving a perpetrator is destabilizing and even more complex when children and pets are involved. For that reason, connecting them to comprehensive services is essential to help them thrive in the next chapter of their lives.
Focus on Safety and Nervous System Regulation
When working with survivors of domestic violence, I prioritize safety, autonomy, and nervous system regulation. Leaving an abusive relationship is not just a logistical decision-it's a deeply embodied experience that must happen at a pace the client's nervous system can handle.
Rather than pushing a client to leave before they are ready, which can increase their sense of isolation and danger, I offer a steady presence, resources, and co-regulation. For one client, this meant providing support while they remained in the relationship, ensuring they had access to safety planning and community resources while respecting their readiness to take action.
Once they were able to leave, we used EMDR to process traumatic memories, targeting specific events that triggered hypervigilance, flashbacks, and shutdown states. Through this work, the client moved from survival mode (sympathetic activation) and shutdown (dorsal vagal collapse) into greater regulation and safety (ventral vagal connection). Over time, they built resilience, re-learned self-trust, and ultimately formed a healthy new relationship-one that felt safe and aligned with their nervous system's ability to connect. They would not have been able to do this reprocessing while still living with their partner, and I did not rush the process of healing.
My approach is always trauma-informed, pacing interventions to the client's capacity, ensuring that healing happens in a way that honors both their past experiences and their future possibilities.
Build Trust and Tailor Support
The biggest thing is really building trust. They've often had that trust broken in such a deep way, so it's about creating a safe space where they feel heard and understood. It's not about pushing them to talk about anything they're not ready for. It's about going at their pace. And there's so much to consider, like the power dynamics in those relationships, making sure I'm not accidentally re-traumatizing them, and helping them with safety planning. I often connect them with local shelters, legal aid, support groups, all that kind of stuff. It's a team effort, really. And I always stress the importance of self-care for them. It's a tough journey, and they need to take care of themselves too. Every person's story is different, so it's really about tailoring my approach to what they need.
Approach with Empathy and Provide Resources
When working with clients who have experienced domestic violence or intimate partner abuse, I believe it's essential to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and a nonjudgmental attitude. Establishing trust is my first priority, as survivors may feel vulnerable and fearful of further harm. So it is important to create a safe, confidential environment where clients can express themselves at their own pace and in their own way. My specific considerations include understanding the impact of trauma on the client's mental and emotional wellbeing, such as symptoms of CPTSD, PTSD, anxiety, dissociation, and depression. I always have resources on hand to recommend, starting with the NCADV website which is filled with really good information. If needed, I also provide information on local domestic violence shelters, legal support, 211 for financial support, therapy, and advocacy services that can help clients navigate their options. I meet them in their safe space with an open heart, the tools to change their lives, and the willingness to walk with them as they do so. One of the most critical parts of counseling a survivor is to respect their autonomy and decisions, providing support without pushing for specific actions. Leaving an abusive situation is a personal and complex choice that takes time and planning by the survivor and a trusted advisor. Working collaboratively with other professionals, including social workers, counselors, and legal experts, ensures comprehensive care and creates a network of support for the survivor.
Highlight Resistance to Restore Dignity
I love Allan Wade's work in this area - his idea that people always resist abuse! They may do so overtly, but often when there is a power imbalance, they have to do so covertly. So asking people about how they have survived, how they have resisted abuse, can really help to restore some of their dignity and confidence.
