How Do School Counselors Approach Therapy-Resistant Clients?
Counselor Brief
How Do School Counselors Approach Therapy-Resistant Clients?
Imagine stepping into a session where the client is resistant to therapy and every word feels like a hurdle. This challenge is tackled head-on by experts like a Relationship and Sex Therapist, LMFT, CSTIP and an Executive Director, who share their seasoned insights. The article opens with advice to approach resistance with kindness and concludes with strategies to build a strong therapeutic alliance, encompassing a total of nine expert insights. These perspectives offer a rich tapestry of approaches to navigate and overcome client resistance effectively.
- Approach Resistance With Kindness
- Use Empathy and Storytelling
- Acknowledge Resistance and Suggest Sessions
- Build Rapport and Trust
- Validate and Empower Clients
- Meet Clients Where They Are
- Create a Safe Space
- Honor Resistance With Curiosity
- Build a Strong Therapeutic Alliance
Approach Resistance With Kindness
I approach their resistance with kindness and ease, calmly letting the client know that this is all about them. We will go as slow as we need to until they are comfortable. I also do my best to use humor to connect, too.
Use Empathy and Storytelling
When I encounter clients resistant to therapy, I focus on understanding their hesitations and building rapport through empathy and patience. Many people benefit from feeling heard and validated, so I start by listening to their concerns without judgment and using compassionate dialogue to gently challenge their resistance.
In my work at Stay Here, I've seen the power of using storytelling to break down barriers. Sharing impactful stories of individuals who overcame similar mental-health struggles instills hope and motivation. One woman, for instance, was initially skeptical of therapy, but opening up about my wife's and my challenges helped her relate and eventually engage fully in therapy.
Training individuals, schools, and churches on suicide prevention at Stay Here has reinforced the importance of creating safe spaces where people feel comfortable expressing their vulnerabilities. Encouraging client agency through small, achievable goals builds their confidence in the therapeutic process, showing them the transformative potential of therapy.
Acknowledge Resistance and Suggest Sessions
When working with clients resistant to therapy, I start by acknowledging their resistance and commending them for showing up despite it—that's a courageous first step. I then suggest we meet for a few sessions to explore if therapy might be helpful for them. After three or four sessions, we check in to see if they've noticed any shifts in their life, whether big or small. This approach not only reduces pressure but also gives them the autonomy to assess the value of therapy on their terms, fostering trust and collaboration.
Build Rapport and Trust
When I encounter a client resistant to therapy, I focus on building rapport and trust. I start by creating a non-judgmental and empathetic environment where they feel safe and heard.
Instead of pushing them to open up, I meet them where they are, acknowledging their hesitations and validating their feelings.
By prioritizing their comfort and showing genuine care, I've learned that resistance often softens over time, allowing for meaningful progress to begin.
Validate and Empower Clients
When working with clients resistant to therapy, I focus on building trust, understanding their perspective, and creating a collaborative process. Resistance often stems from fear, uncertainty, or past negative experiences, so I tailor my approach to meet them where they are.
Tailoring My Approach:
Validate Their Perspective:
I acknowledge their feelings without judgment, saying things like, "It's okay to feel unsure about therapy—it's a big step to be here." This helps clients feel seen and respected.
Start Where They Are:
Instead of diving into deep issues right away, I focus on their immediate concerns. This might involve small, actionable goals to show the practical benefits of therapy and build rapport.
Explore Resistance:
I approach resistance with curiosity, asking questions like, "What would make this process feel more useful for you?" This uncovers fears or misconceptions and allows us to address them together.
Empower, Don't Push:
I emphasize that therapy is a collaborative process, helping clients feel in control of their journey. By framing therapy as a partnership, I reduce any pressure they may feel.
Adapt to Their Style:
I use language and approaches that align with their values. For example, I might frame therapy as problem-solving or skill-building if they prefer logical or structured approaches.
What I've Learned:
Resistance is Insight: It often signals vulnerability or fear. Exploring resistance with curiosity helps deepen connection and understanding.
Patience Pays Off: Change takes time. Avoiding pressure allows clients to engage at their own pace.
Small Wins Build Trust: Early, practical successes—like improved communication or stress relief—help clients see the value of therapy.
The Relationship is Key: A strong therapeutic alliance is essential. When clients feel truly heard, resistance often diminishes.
Resistance isn't a barrier—it's an opportunity to connect differently, creating a foundation for growth and trust in the therapeutic process.
Meet Clients Where They Are
When working with clients who are resistant to therapy, I tailor my approach by meeting them where they are emotionally and respecting the protective mechanisms underlying their resistance. Resistance often stems from fear, mistrust, or past experiences of invalidation or harm, especially for clients who have experienced systemic oppression or trauma. Understanding this context allows me to approach them with empathy and patience rather than trying to "fix" their resistance.
One strategy I've found effective is motivational interviewing (MI), which emphasizes collaboration and honors the client's autonomy. Instead of focusing on what's not working or what needs to change, I explore their values, hopes, and goals, even if they're unrelated to therapy at first. This helps to align the therapeutic process with what matters most to them. For instance, if a client resists discussing personal emotions but expresses interest in improving work performance, I begin by addressing those practical concerns. Over time, this builds trust and often naturally opens the door to deeper conversations.
Another key component is creating a non-judgmental and affirming space. I use reflective listening to validate their experiences, even their hesitation about therapy itself. Acknowledging their resistance as a normal and protective response helps reduce defensiveness and fosters a sense of safety. I also emphasize that therapy is a collaborative process, where they control the pace and direction.
One profound lesson I've learned from resistant clients is the importance of flexibility and humility in therapy. Not every client enters therapy ready to engage, and that's okay. Success in these cases often comes from demonstrating respect, patience, and a willingness to adapt my methods to the client's unique needs and readiness for change. This experience continually reminds me of the resilience people bring to therapy, even when it's not immediately visible, and the value of trusting their capacity to engage when the time feels right for them.
Create a Safe Space
When working with clients resistant to therapy, it's essential to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and flexibility. Resistance often stems from fear, past negative experiences, or uncertainty about the process. My approach begins with creating a safe and non-judgmental space, ensuring the client feels heard and respected from the outset.
Tailoring the Approach:
1. Build Trust and Rapport:
Establishing a connection is critical. I spend time getting to know the client and allow them to share their story at their own pace, avoiding pressure or judgment.
2. Explore the Resistance:
Instead of confronting the resistance, I gently explore it. Questions like, "What concerns do you have about therapy?" or "What would make this experience feel more helpful to you?" can uncover underlying fears or misconceptions.
3. Adjust Techniques:
I meet the client where they are emotionally and mentally. For instance, some clients may respond better to solution-focused conversations, while others might need time to process emotions. If traditional talk therapy feels too daunting, I might integrate mindfulness exercises, journaling, or art therapy as entry points.
4. Set Small Goals:
Resistance can lessen when therapy feels manageable. Collaboratively setting small, achievable goals fosters a sense of accomplishment and trust in the process.
5. Empower Autonomy:
I emphasize that therapy is a partnership. By encouraging clients to take ownership of their journey and providing options, they often feel more engaged and less defensive.
Lessons Learned:
Working with resistant clients has taught me the importance of flexibility and humility as a therapist. Every individual brings unique experiences and coping mechanisms. I've learned to remain curious, rather than prescriptive, and to trust the process, even when progress seems slow. Resistance, I've found, is often an invitation to deepen understanding and connection—it's rarely about the therapist but rather the client's relationship with vulnerability and change.
Ultimately, patience and persistence, paired with genuine care, can transform resistance into openness, helping clients take meaningful steps toward growth and healing.
Honor Resistance With Curiosity
From an IFS-informed perspective, when working with clients resistant to therapy, I approach the resistance with curiosity and compassion, viewing it not as an obstacle but as a protective part doing its best to serve the client. Resistance often signals that the client's internal system feels vulnerable or uncertain about therapy, and it's my role to honor and work with that.
Tailoring the Approach:
1. Building Trust with the Protective Parts:
I focus on creating a safe, nonjudgmental space. I might directly acknowledge the resistance, saying something like, "It seems like there's a part of you that's unsure about being here. I'd love to learn more about it, if that's okay." This invites dialogue without pushing past the client's defenses.
2. Understanding the Protective Role:
I explore what the resistant part fears might happen if therapy progresses. Often, these parts are trying to shield the client from perceived harm, like vulnerability, re-traumatization, or failure.
3. Pacing and Consent:
I emphasize collaborative pacing, giving the client a sense of control. For example, I might say, "We can take this process as slowly as you'd like; nothing has to happen until it feels right for you."
4. Inviting Self-Leadership:
Encouraging the client's Self (their core, compassionate, and curious state) to engage with the resistant part can foster internal dialogue. This often helps the client shift from resistance to openness organically.
What Was Learned:
Resistance Has Wisdom:
Resistance isn't the problem; it's a message. When we take time to listen and honor it, we often uncover important insights about the client's needs and fears.
Safety is Foundational:
Clients are more likely to engage in therapy when they feel truly seen and safe. Prioritizing connection over intervention builds trust.
Patience is Key:
Progress happens when the client's system is ready, not when we try to force change. By respecting resistance, I've learned that slow, steady steps are often the most transformative.
This approach not only nurtures the therapeutic relationship but also models for the client how they can approach their inner world with curiosity and care.
Build a Strong Therapeutic Alliance
I focus on building a strong therapeutic alliance from the start. It's essential to create a safe and non-judgmental space where clients feel heard and understood. I often start by acknowledging their feelings of resistance and gently exploring the underlying reasons for their reluctance. This could be fear, mistrust, or past negative experiences with therapy.
One technique I find effective is motivational interviewing, which helps clients explore their own reasons for change at their own pace. I also make an effort to educate clients about the therapeutic process, helping them understand that therapy is not about having all the answers right away but rather about creating a partnership for growth.
What I've learned from working with resistant clients is that patience and flexibility are key. Resistance often stems from a place of vulnerability, and sometimes clients just need more time or a different approach to feel comfortable with the process. It's also crucial to be adaptable in therapy—what works for one client may not work for another, and it's important to remain open to adjusting methods as needed. Ultimately, by building trust and respect, many resistant clients have found value in therapy once they feel empowered in the process.
